Tuesday, September 1, 2009

1 September, 2009

I wake up around 3:00 in the morning. My heart is racing. The silence is deafening, pounding in my ears to the rhythm of my heartbeat. I am almost completely numb from my shoulders down to my finger tips, and when I rub my hands together, they do not feel like my hands at all. In a single moment, I can feel everything, past, present, and future, and I am powerless to change anything. I open my mouth to cry out, but only more silence issues from my lips into the darkness. There is a constant ringing in my ears, and a soft tone, sounds like a G sharp, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. I want to get up, to go to my instrument and create, but I'm almost completely paralyzed, like a dark stranger is laying on top of me and holding me down, my demon, my succubus. He is trying to keep me from acting, keep me from changing the course of events, keep me from helping the world as I was meant to do. He wants me to ignore my purpose, to give up and pass away silently into the shadows. My heart continues to race. My breaths become shorter and shorter. Something is happening, or about to happen. The world is not ready, but change, apocalypse, is inevitable. I can't slow my heartrate. A slight pain sits in the pit of my chest. I clench my eyes tightly shut and pray to see the light of another day.

"I must work the works of He who sent me while it is day. The night cometh, when no man can work." -- John 9:4

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