Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"Life is Creation"

This morning I came across a blog with this title. You can check out the blog for yourself here,

The idea that Life is Creation is fraught with meaning. As a composer, I think about the fact that, every day and every moment of our lives is like a piece of a composition. The whole of our life is a magnum opus, a unique body of work and creation that never existed before and will never exist again. Every day we do and say things that build on who we are as individuals, just like a composer adding notes to the score of a piece of music. Some of our compositions are tragic. Some of them are rapturous. Some of them are quiet and reflective. Some of them are full of thrills and adventure. And most of them are combinations and variations of these different moods, tones, and colors.

Each day of our lives we have to live knowing that we are creating a body of work that we will leave as a legacy to others when we are gone.
In that creative living we also enjoy the excitement of not knowing exactly what's going to happen next in the creation. We can plan things as carefully as possibly, but we can't really know what the final product is going to look or sound like until we are completely finished.
Life is Creation.

My name is Logan, and I live to create.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It happened again

It happened again. This morning I was getting dressed for school when I heard the 'text received' tone on my cell phone. Every time I hear that I have a text now, I can feel my heart rate go up, my heart pounding just a little harder in my chest, a slight chill creeping from the lower part of my back and radiating up into my skull and through my arms. When I picked up my cell from the dresser where it was plugged in, charging, my shirt only half on, I saw the following message,

logan. error. logan. input over. logan. distance read. logan. stop. logan. over output. stop. logan. stop. logan. end. end. end. logan. end.

Sender? 'Unknown', it said. I stood there for a moment, nervous as a hen, the phone sitting lightly in my sweaty palm, wondering if I should reply. It could have been a trap; I reply and they start tracking me. Maybe it was a message from someone trying to find and help me. Well, before I had a chance to take action, the phone's screen went blank, then black as the phone just went dead. All I could do was stare at it like a dummy.

This has happened a number of times. I can't be 100% sure it's them, but what would you think if you were me and you'd been through some of the same, uh, same stuff? Even though it scares me to death, it's starting to get just a little bit more annoying than scary. The phone shows some bizarre message without a sender, then completely dies without so much as a whimper. If I leave it alone for a while, it just comes back on on its own but with all of the information, numbers, addresses, emails, etc., completely erased. I rarely bother saving people's numbers anymore.

I asked my mom if I could get a new phone (as if that would help). If you're a kid and you've asked your parents for a new phone when your old one still had at least 50% functionality, you can guess how that went.

Monday, September 28, 2009


For those of you who don't think I'm crazy, yet, you'll probably at least think I'm stupid after you read this.

So we learned a little bit in science class about photosynthesis. It seems that plants are actually solar powered, taking sunlight and converting it into energy using specialized 'converter' organs called chloroplasts. Pretty amazing. People have been working on developing solar power for while now and haven't gotten close to what plants can do.

Anyways, I've also been doing a little running. Actually, I've been doing a lot of running. I saw the movie Saint Ralph and caught the running bug. Usually, can't put in any road mileage until after school and, by then, it's pretty freakin' hot. Let me restate that: it's like running through a furnace. Supposedly, winter has started here in south Texas, but that only means the mornings are cooler. Mid to late afternoons are, for the time being, still scorchers. When it's summer, it's like running on the surface of the sun.

So what about the chloroplasts and photosynthesis? Well, here was my logic: if plants can convert sunlight to energy, then surely my skin cells, loaded with chloroplasts, could do the same thing. Stay with me for a moment. Just think about it: going out for a run on a hot, sunny day, the whole time your body being rejuvenated (not burdened) by the blazing rays of the sun. It's genius right? Forget the fact that the chloroplasts might turn your skin green, giving you a nice Incredible Hulk tone...It's the extra energy that would really matter.

So how would I get chloroplasts into my skin cells? A smoothie, of course. Now, before you click the link AWAY from my blog never to return, let me just say that I did not make a smoothie entirely out of grass or leaves from trees. I simply made a regular fruit smoothie and popped in a handful of grass and, well, other green plants straight out of the ground into the blender and had it for breakfast.

And you know what? I ran great that afternoon. Never felt better running in my life. I floated around the neighborhood on a cloud. My legs felt like they could have spun forever. The only problem was that, later that evening...well, I'll leave out details, but my stomach and I didn't get along all that well. A few times I'm pretty sure we were close to going our separate ways. And I'm pretty sure the chloroplasts from the grass didn't go to my skin cells. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure they weren't even inside my body when the day was over...

No, I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon. And no, I'm not crazy. Stupid, but not crazy.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Polar Bear, Alpha, Chapter 5

The beast lurks in our dreams. He tries to hide himself, tries to blend in with the rest of the dream, but he's always there, watching and listening. He is there with you in your dreams. Look for him and you will find him. When you see him, prowling in the shadows, you will know that they are trying to get into your head, trying to get to your thoughts.

Once, and only once, did I have the courage to confront him.

Download chapter 5 of Alpha here.

Chapter 5

Currently for PC only.

Learn more at

I know. I sound crazy. Maybe I am, but they really are listening...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Another rant: Texting

I know a lot of people aren't going to like this, but here goes nothing. Let's take a journey through the history of communication (forgive me for generalities).

As far as we can tell, the earliest people knew and communicated with each other through the simplest means possible: face to face, direct communication. Whether you believe that communication was words or grunts, it was done face to face and even with physical contact. Those people also lived close together in smaller communities...everyone knew everyone else intimately simply by daily physical and vocal interaction.

At some point later in history, people learned they could communicate with each other by leaving messages in the form of meaningful marks on physical objects. One person could leave a message and depart, maybe a simple line or arrow in the dirt pointing to a cave, and another person would come along and communicate with the person who was there before through that message. With this method of communication, just a little distance is put between the two people, and some of the personal, intimate interaction is lost.

As communities grew and separated, leaving physical messages for others to find turned into delivered messages. If you had something you wanted to tell another person in another village or town, you either traveled over there and talked to them face to face, or you had a physical message delivered to them. Even more distance was put between people trying to communicate.

As civilization grew and developed, the necessity for delivering messages grew. The time would come when people would have information sent over long distances via a man on horseback with a sack of correspondence, train, a boat, even carrier pigeons. However the information was communicated, more and more distance was put between people.

Civilization may have taken a tiny step forward with the invention of the telephone. Unlike most television and radio, you can have some personal, back and forth with the person you're talking to on the phone. You may not be physical there with them, but it's usually better than sending a letter.

Now, we even have cell phones, where you can talk to someone almost anytime, almost anywhere in the world you want. This is supposed to make us closer right? That's what the cell phone companies say(then offer unlimited texting).

But it seems that talking to another human being on the phone is getting too personal. Now, instead of making a call on the cell phone, we just send a text; it's a way of getting around having a conversation with a person, having some back and forth, real communication.

I know, I know, there are some times when texting is necessary, perhaps when you're in a situation where you can't talk. But, honestly, how many times do you send a text about something when you could just as easily call the person and say "hey! how are you doing...?" and have a little personal communication. Really, how essential and necessary is texting? Maybe it's just another way for us to further distance ourselves from other people.

This is what they want. This is what the Polar Bear Project wants. The less we communicate, real, personal, intimate communication with each other, the easier it is for them to get to our minds.

Honda unicycle

Okay. Did anyone see the movie Wall-E? Now, I know that it was just a movie, fiction, make-believe, but a lot of great fiction is filled with truths and good arguments about reality.

One argument in the movie was about how much waste we produce. The whole, deserted city of garbage was a great statement about the direction in which we're headed as far as waste production and management.

Another argument was in the interstellar, vacation ship, on which resided a community of, well, excessively obese people riding around on little personal couches and having practically everything done for them by personal computers and gadgets. Again, I know it was just a movie, but we have to admit there's at least a little truth in what it says about our desire to make our lives as easy and convenient as possible.

The human body is designed to do WORK. It is a masterfully crafted bio-mechanical unit with the most sophisticated and most highly developed control/ command system (the brain) known to mankind. Even the exercise and fitness industry are using campaigns of 'workout less, lose more weight and be healthier.' And products such as the new Honda unicycle are just one step closer to us riding around on little personal couches, being stuffed with food, while computers and a personal gadgets do all of the work for us. Products such as this unicycle are one step closer to just handing our lives over to Polar Bear Project.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Believe it or not, I just now saw the Twilight movie for the first time (I know, I know, where have I been, right?) As entertained as I was, I'll have to wait for enough endorsements from enough people to take the time to read the books...

As I was watching the movie, though, it did make me think about some things, mainly appearances. You really can't tell much about a person just by considering their physical appearance. Appearances can, in fact, be misleading. Sometimes people dress a certain way because that's how they want people to see them, meanwhile hiding the kind of person they really are.

The only way you can really get to know a person is if you spend time with them. Listen to what they like to talk about (or not talk about), notice the decisions they make, notice what they laugh at, and how they like to spend their time.

Time. That's important. It takes time to get to know a person. I know it's a cliche, but never judge a book by it's cover. Take the time to open the book, read the text, examine the layers, make your judgement from the inside out.

My name is Logan...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Lighten up? Seriously...

I just need to get something off my chest. I am a serious person. Plain and simple. If you're around me and you point at something - maybe a cat playing with a toy mouse or slobber-mouthed baby clapping his hands and grinning when you make goofy faces at him - and say something like, "Look! Logan! How cute!", you're probably not going to get the response out of me you'd want. I may even choose to completely ignore you. And random things that a lot of people find humorous or amusing, funny little coincidences like a wet squirrel or a half-eaten donut riding on top of some one's car, don't really pass as comedy for me. Don't get me wrong, I like to laugh from time to time, sometimes uncontrollably. I like to have fun and enjoy different forms of amusement. It's just a little harder for me. I guess it's about the different ways different people see the world. No doubt it's also about the different experiences people have. If you had the same experiences I had and if you saw the world the way I see it - a world of enslaved minds - maybe you'd be a little more serious, too.

I just had to get this off my chest. I'm not a party-pooper or anything. I'm just tired of people saying, "Lighten up, Logan!"

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Apollyon, music blog

Well, I finally got the music blog up and running. From time to time, I'll put up newly composed music for your listening and downloading pleasure. All of the music is free for you to use and listen to however you please. If you decide to use something in a project of your own, at least let me know how it turns out. I decided to use music selections from Alpha to get things rolling. You can either go back to my blog profile and follow the link there to the music blog or just click below. Listen. Enjoy. Don't let them get to your's the last place on earth you can hide.

Music blog

Mmmmm. I smell dinner pancakes. Excellent...

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Carmina Burana

Just listened to Carmina Burana by Carl Orff on the radio. Awesome. Simply awesome. I once heard a techno version of it; why do people do such horrible things to great pieces of music? Well, I'm sure someone had a good reason...sue me for thinking they should have just left it alone.

That's my big news for the day. Carl Orff. Carmina Burana. Awesome. Check it out.

Oh, wait. I also finished that Cryptid Hunters book. It played out like a movie that teases you with only suggestions of the good stuff right to the very end. It...well, I won't give away the ending for those of you who haven't read it. Definitely a good read for those of you who like zoology, biology, and other such natural sciences.

Orff. Carmina Burana. Really awesome. Find a recording of it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Beast

I just woke up from a long nap and another dream of the digital city. In this version of the dream, the city was still intact. As usual, I wandered around in parks and alleys trying not to draw attention to myself. I'm getting used to having the dream. It's a lot easier now that Gabriel has stopped chasing me. I don't know if the beast has given up on trying to get to me. The people in the city are just as apathetic as ever.

I know they're just dreams and I readily admit that none of this would count as concrete proof to most people that the Polar Bear Project is real. The Anonymous reader has a great point: why should anyone believe anything that hasn't been proven to them concretely? However, those of you who have had the same experiences, those of you who have seen the beast in your dreams, understand how real this mystery is. For those of you who haven't seen the beast in your dreams, I don't blame you for not believing; maybe Gabriel was right: maybe it's better not to know.

Well, now I'm wide awake. Maybe I'll have a snack and try to write some music.

Comment by Anonymous Reader

This was a comment posted by an anonymous reader on my earlier post, "They are listening to your thoughts". The post is, verbatim, the reader's original thoughts. The only reason I reposted it as a new message was because I couldn't add "bleeps" in comment moderation.


Here's the fundamental flaw that I'm seeing in your logic: you have no proof. Everything you are basing your beliefs on is nothing more than assumption and misinformation. The idea that the government reads our thoughts by downloading them from phone towers is as ludicrous as most religions. Unless you have indisputable proof, you have no basis for your claims. I could easily say that my desk is responsible for my sleeping simply because it is in my room while I am sleeping. I can't prove that this is true, but it can't be disproven, either.

I realize that you are just a kid, I was too. Not that long ago, either. I was in the same boat then, too. I was easily swayed into believing that the government was this intrusive, controlling puppet master that was going to eventually brainwash the population and use us all as pawns in a global war. I couldn't prove any of my thoughts, but no one could disprove them, so I took them as truth. I had that "gut feeling". Then I got older (I know how cliché this is going to sound) and realized that I was just being paranoid. The government has better things to do than monitor the thoughts of its citizens. It would be way too costly, too dangerous and frankly, pointless. Not to mention the fact that the technology to carry out such a project simply does not exist.

I think it's great that you are questioning things, that's how people get educated; and you seem like a very intelligent kid, but you have to look at both sides. Only believing what you want to believe is how people become prejudiced and biased. Once that happens, you've become your own enemy.

-**** *******

P.S. - The whole 2012 thing is a load of ****. Yes, the Mayan calendar ends at 21 Dec 2012, but you have to consider a few things.

1. The Mayans made a calendar that extended through thousands of years. They probably figured that going that far ahead would suffice for then.

2. The "end" is actually the end of a cycle. One of many cycles that exist on the calender. It has been taken WAY out of context by New Age psychics and people looking to make a quick buck as being the "end of the world".

3. Predictions like this have existed throughout modern history. People have sincerely thought the world was going to end in the years (

Spend some time on that website. James Randi is a wonderful guy. A great skeptic. He can provide a lot of insightful information

11 September 2009

Finally, it is raining. All summer the rain clouds just sort of teased us, roaring and rumbling by, only slowing down to sprinkle a few drops before scuttling away into the distance. But now we see that, truly, "when it rains, it pours."

Rain is great, especially the kind that just goes on and on, sometimes for days, the sky completely covered by murky grayness, the whole city getting a good, naturally cleansing. What's even better is when it starts to flood and the whole city sort of has to slow down and let nature do its thing. People drive slower (at least the smart ones do), school gets cancelled, outdoor sporting events are postponed, and a kid can just sit around the house and be lazy and not have to worry about not getting things done.

I just looked at my watch and realized it is 9-11. I don't really remember too much about that awful day. I remember all the kids having to go into the auditorium at school and the principle telling us something about how we should never take for granted our freedoms as American citizens. I remember seeing some of the images of planes crashing into buildings in New York on T.V. and thinking it was part of a moving or something.

When you think about it, major tragedies like that are bound to happen at least every couple of decades, if not more frequently. As technology gets more advanced, I try not to think about what the next major tragedy will be and where it will happen. Not to mention all the things that are going on to which we are all completely oblivious...

Ah, there's nothing like just sitting near a window and watching the rain fall. There's nothing quite so relaxing. I can just sit and watch, feeling all of my fears and concerns being temporarily washed away in the cleansing flood.

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I've been hearing a lot about the Mayan prophecy that the world will end (or at least dramatically change) in 2012. Everyone seems to tell a different variation of this prophecy (by the way, if anyone knows something about it that I don't, I don't mind being educated). I have also been hearing a lot of people say that this is directly tied to the Polar Bear Project. I just want to go on record as saying that I DO NOT KNOW if they are related. Countless times in my dreams, the beast has referred to "the end of the world as we know it" and countless times he has referred to himself as "the future". The Polar Bear Project definitely seems to be working within a time frame: there is a countdown to an end, but to what end I am not sure. Many of my dreams of the digital city have ended with some horrific, cataclysmic event, after which there is nothing left but a scorched landscape. How can Polar Bear be the future if there is no future?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Right now I'm reading a really cool book by Ronald Smith called Cryptid Hunters. It's about these two kids who end up living with their weird uncle who happens to search for creatures that supposedly don't really exist (cryptids). There haven't been any real encounters with Bigfoot or anything like that in the book, but I'm only about half way through. They find this large, green egg that's supposedly that of a dinosaur that still lives somewhere deep in the Congo. How cool would that be, to find out that dinosaurs still exist?

Anyway, I just read online about all these new species of animals they've been discovering in Papau New Guinea's Rain Forest. Some of them they've even found in the pit of an inactive volcano. Pretty awesome. Most of these creatures, like a frog with fangs, a tiny parrot, and some strange looking rat, have never had any contact with human beings.

If you get a chance, do a search for newly discovered or amazing species of animals. When you see some of them, the existence of cryptid animals such as Bigfoot or the Kraken (like from Pirates of the Caribbean) doesn't seem so unlikely.

It just goes to show you that, no matter how unlikely something may be, there's no denying it once it's proven to be real...

Monday, September 7, 2009

They are listening to your thoughts

Many of you may be wondering what I mean when I say, "They are listening to your thoughts." Like I always say, I don't know exactly what's going on, but I'll do my best to explain my words.

First of all, 'they' refers to The Polar Bear Project. I don't know if it's just one person who's doing it, or if it's a group of people like a secret government agency or maybe even terrorists. Whether it's one person or a hundred, the Polar Bear Project is real.

How do they listen to our thoughts? Easy. They download our thoughts onto computers over wireless networks just like you would download a song or a video from the Internet. Just think about it: somewhere, at this very moment, someone could be looking at your thoughts on a computer screen, or listening to every thought that passes through your head on a digital audio device. Not a single thought or idea that passes through your head is private. They monitor your mind like guards at a prison watching every move of the prisoners trapped in their cells.

The truth is that, my story, everything that I confessed in Polar Bear, Alpha, IS REAL. They really are listening. They really are monitoring us. The Polar Bear Project is real.

The question remains: WHY are they listening to our thoughts?

Saturday, September 5, 2009


I spent, no, wasted, two hours today at the piano, trying to come up with a new piece of music. It was just one of those efforts where it seems like everything you come up with is worthless. Every note I played sounded like garbage to me. The more I tried to force something out of myself, the more frustrated I got. It was like my brain had went on vacation, sitting somewhere on a beach in the Caribbean while I sat with an empty skull banging on the piano keys like a caveman. It's weird: the creativity seems to come and go as it pleases, and no amount of diligence and concentration will bring it back against it's will. Two hours of my life, down the drain.

Composing music should be effortless. When everything is just right, it should feel like someone else is telling you what to write. You shouldn't have to labor at bringing the music out of your spirit. You shouldn't have to force it out. The music should pour out of your spirit, and the process should happen just as naturally as a river arriving at a cliff and cascading down as a waterfall.

Friday, September 4, 2009

4 September 2009

I went to a football game today. Nico's older brother Matthew who's in eighth grade, plays for his school. Three and a half quarters without a touchdown. When the home team finally scored with three minutes to go, there was an explosion of celebration from the crowd. The cheerleaders were bouncing up and down in red, white and black outfits, doing flips, clapping and crying out things like, "Yeah! Go Cardinals! Whoooo!" The other team's defense, dressed in blue uniforms with red helmets, dragged back to the sideline, devastated, their coach yelling at them to the sound of the home team's celebration. An overweight man with his hat turned backwards and a red and black shirt with a cardinal on it, jumped out of his seat and spilled his large soda on one of my shoes; he didn't even notice and proceeded to cheer and pump his fists madly in the air along with everyone else in the home team crowd.

The poor devils. The football players. The crowd. The cheerleaders. Even the people passing by in cars on the nearby street who were not interested in the game in any way whatsoever. The overweight man who spilled his drink on me. They have no idea, no idea whatsoever what's happening to them.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

3 September 2009

So, my history teacher actually took up my cell phone because I was texting during class. I didn't even bother asking her if I could have it back after class was over.

I had my piano lesson today with Mr. Milton. Every since that day I asked him about the cut on the side of his head, he's been rather cold toward me. It almost seems like he doesn't want to teach me anymore. He is very immediate and direct with all his answers to my questions, even a little harsh sometimes when I've asked a question that he thinks I should already know the answer to. We don't talk about anything other than music, and if I try to talk about something else, he just says something like, "Focus, Logan. Focus on the music."

And Bobby? I didn't see him all summer. It was like he completely vanished. When I finally got my cell phone to work after he sent me that suspicious text, everything on it had been erased...EVERYTHING. All the numbers, contacts, saved messages, everything had been erased, including the strange text Bobby had sent me.

I have only seen glimpses of Bobby now that school has started, but he's even worse than he was before. Now, he's like a phantom, always at a distance with this blank expression on his face. I went to his house twice to see him. When I knocked on the front door, no one answered, even though there were cars in the driveway and I could hear people inside. One of the times I actually saw Bobby through the dining room window playing the piano. After I knocked and no one answered, I went to the window and tapped to get his attention. He just kept right on playing as if he didn't hear me...What have they done to him?

I'm am trying my best to just live my life, but it is difficult. Is my mind free or am I simply doing, thinking, and saying what the Polar Bear Project wants me to?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I am secretly writing this text-to-blog mobile message as I sit in the back of history class. It's grueling, one letter at a time as I feel around the keypad of my phone under my desk. My teacher is saying something about how Russians and Americans see the history of World War Two differently. The cute girl with the light brown hair slightly turns her head from time to time and sneaks a peak back at me with a grin on her face (at least, I tell myself that she's looking back at me when, in actuality, she probably has no idea I even exist). I can smell her mango watermelon body spray three desks back...

I'm off topic. I am writing this because I found something weird in my locker today at school. I didn't want to forget the details and so I had to pass this information on to you as soon as I could. Anyways, when I went to get my history book out of the locker before class, several fragments of a busted cell phone fell out and clattered on the floor around my feet. I don't know who's phone it was or where it came from. I just stood there, paralyzed, staring at the fragments on the floor.

The piece that used to be the screen shattered into several fragments. The blue plastic casing also broke into several smaller pieces. Little buttons with numbers from the keypad scattered over the floor. It was like someone smashed it up, then carefully placed it in my locker so it would fall out when I opened the door.

It could have been a joke one of the other kids pulled on me. When I used to try to warn them about the Polar Bear Project I was just asking to get picked on. Just start telling people you think someone is brainwashing everyone with radio waves and see what kind of pranks get pulled on you.

When I went to pick up the fragments, a single name flashed through my head:


As I stared down at the fragments of the phone, I felt like someone was watching me.

The beast is aware of my actions. Does it matter if he knows I am writing this? Does it matter that he knows you are reading it? If they can truly listen to our thoughts and monitor our every action, is there any way we can stop them?

The teacher just gave me a look...

A dream, 2 September 2009

I wake up, laying in a patch of grass next to a metal fence, in a corner of the neighbor's backyard. It's dark, early morning dark, and everything is completely silent. I'm covered with a small, thin blue blanket that I had when I was just a toddler. I look up. Beyond the tops of the dark trees, the perfectly clear sky is filled with stars, their number "like sands upon the seashore". Occasionally there is even a shooting star.

I toss the blanket over the fence into my own backyard, dust the thin blades of grass off my shirt and climb to my feet. I'm not sure why, but it feels dangerous for me to climb over the fence, and so I decide to walk around the garage to get into my own yard.

As I round the corner of the garage, I see the massive, dark form of a statue, a statue of a polar bear, illuminated only by starlight, standing menacingly in the driveway. At first, it seems to be facing me, but then, extremely slowly, it turns its head and looks away from me. It's face is almost completely overshadowed. Where it's eyes should be, there is only darkness.

I try to ignore it. I try to forget that it is there, even though I am terrified. I look up at the sky. It's so beautiful, all of the stars scattered like cosmic dust. The moon is full and crystal clear with all its craters, mountains, and valleys. It looks so close, so magnificently large, like it's going to crash into the earth. An incomplete halo of light closes around it as if following the hour hand of a clock. It is the countdown toward some grand, astronomical event. When the halo is complete and perfectly encircles the moon, it suddenly vanishes like a vapor in the wind, and I feel a chill run through me like some secret event has taken place.

All of a sudden, as if it was there the whole time, another moon appears just beneath the old one. It is much larger and has colorful, rings slowly rotating around it like those around the planet Saturn. Both moons seem to be getting larger and larger, closer and closer.

Cosmic dust starts to drizzle down from the sky. Everything is so silent, so perfectly and wonderfully silent. The scene, the star filled night sky, the two magnificent moons, the light shower of cosmic dust, is all so beautiful.

I close me eyes and lower my head. The beast, the polar bear, has vanished from the the driveway. Relieved, I proceed to walk through the gate into my backyard. As I pass through the gate, I notice the window to my bedroom has been flung open, as if someone, or something, had entered there. With the terrible chill overwhelming me once again, I stare into the blackness of the open window.

This is when I wake up.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

1 September, 2009

I wake up around 3:00 in the morning. My heart is racing. The silence is deafening, pounding in my ears to the rhythm of my heartbeat. I am almost completely numb from my shoulders down to my finger tips, and when I rub my hands together, they do not feel like my hands at all. In a single moment, I can feel everything, past, present, and future, and I am powerless to change anything. I open my mouth to cry out, but only more silence issues from my lips into the darkness. There is a constant ringing in my ears, and a soft tone, sounds like a G sharp, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. I want to get up, to go to my instrument and create, but I'm almost completely paralyzed, like a dark stranger is laying on top of me and holding me down, my demon, my succubus. He is trying to keep me from acting, keep me from changing the course of events, keep me from helping the world as I was meant to do. He wants me to ignore my purpose, to give up and pass away silently into the shadows. My heart continues to race. My breaths become shorter and shorter. Something is happening, or about to happen. The world is not ready, but change, apocalypse, is inevitable. I can't slow my heartrate. A slight pain sits in the pit of my chest. I clench my eyes tightly shut and pray to see the light of another day.

"I must work the works of He who sent me while it is day. The night cometh, when no man can work." -- John 9:4