Friday, November 20, 2009

20 November, 2009


Today, I was sitting at my computer doing some composing and all of a sudden I realized this steady tone in my right inner ear. I thought it was a large truck or something backing up somewhere down the street, but when I pressed my hand against my ear it was still there.

I've had this happen from time to time, where you hear a tone or a steady soft ringing in the inner ear. Today was very unusual, though, because it's been going on all day. For a while it must have been there for at least 4 hours. It seems to go away whenever I hear another louder sound, but then it just comes right back again when the sound goes away. I usually enjoy quiet places, but today I was really glad to be anywhere where there were louder sounds that could drown out my inner ear tone.

I don't think I'm losing my hearing or anything. It's just really weird and kind of worries me. I rarely ever listen to really loud music and I don't think when I listen to my i-pod that the volume's too loud (although, now I'm definitely going to make it a point to keep it low). Even more odd, when I bend over as if to tie my shoes, the sound goes away. Also, I narrowed the pitch of the tone to an E earlier in the day, but by midday it had risen to an F.

The whole freaky situation has had me doing a bunch of random research on sound waves and the structure and function of the ear (what an awesome organ!).

I wonder if this is how Beethoven's problems started...

On a more positive note, my studio program seems to be very cooperative these days. After what seemed like forever, I finally posted something new on Apollyon...............................end.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Polar Bear, Alpha trailer 2

Last night I had a dream about the coyote. Well, the dream wasn't actually about him, but he was sort of featured in it. There was a lot of other pointless things that happened in the dream, so I won't bore you with the details. At some point I was sitting on the floor next to my bed and heard a tapping on my window. When I turned to see what it was, there was the coyote pawing at the glass. When I blinked, he was suddenly on my side of the glass, inside the room with me. Of course I was petrified, but he just calmly walked past me and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. And that was it.

This is my first time trying to embed a video from Youtube. I just know I'm going to make a fantastic mess out of it, but here goes anyway. No, it has nothing to do with coyotes (it seems like that should be spelled coyotees).

Monday, November 9, 2009

Program, Apollyon, Alpha, coyote................end.


I actually got the studio program to do what I wanted a few days ago. I just found it so discouraging when it seemed to withhold my work from me that I didn't feel like producing much music or literature. But, after reading a few blogs I've been following, inspired by my fellow bloggers and amateur musicians, I feel like I'm ready to get the ball rolling again.

Unfortunately, the piece that I was arranging for the Apollyon blog didn't quite sound the same when I returned to it. That's the funny thing about composing: if you put a composition aside for a while and forget about it, sometimes it seems kind of dumb to you when you go back and listen to it with fresh ears. Maybe I was never meant to post the piece. Maybe it was an embarrassment in the making. Maybe it would have killed my (already struggling) reputation. Maybe the program that was refusing to export the file to mp3 knew better than me and was trying to save me...

Something in particular has come up that I'm extraordinarily excited about. I would share, but if it falls apart then I would have built up a lot (mainly my own) of expectation for nothing. We'll see how it goes. I will say it does involve a little thing called the Polar Bear Project; I guess you never really know when someone is paying attention to what you are doing and saying, so you always have to keep at whatever it is you do, regardless of what others around you are doing...

If you're wondering about the coyote and the weird guy I spotted in the woods behind our house, well, welcome to the club. I haven't heard squat about the man and haven't seen hide nor hair of the coyote.
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Thanks to my readers and faithful commentators. It's nice to know that we're not "writing into a void" as one of my fellow bloggers once put.

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Grrrrr.......


So my initial plan was to try to post at least once a week on my music blog, Apollyon. Things have been going more or less as planned, that is, until today.

Just a little background on how I make the music on Apollyon. Basically, I have some computer software that is like a virtual music studio. It has a ton of virtual instruments (including a piano, of course), and basically I just press a record button on screen and play on a keyboard that's hooked up to the computer. Add a little synthesizer here, a drum loop there, and voila. Instant digital arrangements.

Today, the program just decided that it was not going to cooperate. Wait. Let me take that back. It decided to be an total...well, I stop there and keep the PG rating on my blog. I had a brand new piece I've been working on for a few days and got it down to exactly how I wanted it. All that was left to do was export the project to an mp3 file. Satisfied, I clicked the export button and...

the program froze.

I do the good old ctrl+alt+del to get to the task manager, close out all programs from there, reopen the file with my new arrangement, click export again and...

freeze.

repeat process. freeze.

freeze. freeze. freeze. FREEZE!!!!

Every time I tried to export the file to mp3 the program froze. I tried every trick I knew to get it to work but to no avail. It took about an hour before I finally gave up. It's like the program just decided that I had done enough, that it longer wanted me to share my work, that I should stop trying to be a musician and go find an occupation that doesn't require the use of a computer...

Even as I write this on my laptop, just behind me on the screen of my PC on which I do all of my composing, is the mocking error message...

"This program is no longer responding and needs to close"

Technology. Grrrrr....

Is it the Polar Bear Project? The dreams have more or less stopped. It's been a long time since I've seen Gabriel. Maybe they've found another way to get at me.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

29 October, 2009


Vampires? I think I've had my fill. Walk into a bookstore and there is a whole section of fiction devoted to them. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a vampire book. I'm just saying this so it doesn't seem like I'm hopping on the Transylvanian train (do books even talk about vampires being from Transylvania anymore?), even though what I'm about to share could easily be interpreted that way. Anyways, the following are actual events that are so befitting the holiday season that I couldn't pass on sharing it.

Again, ACTUAL EVENTS, believe it or not. Here goes.

So, a few weeks ago, right around the beginning of the month, I was out riding my bike on some paved trails in the woods behind our house. It was around four o'clock in the afternoon, one of the few sunny days between all the rainy ones we've been getting down south lately. As a matter of fact, I remember looking up through the canopy of the trees and not seeing a single cloud in the solid blue sky. A cool breeze blew over my face every once in a while as I splashed through some puddles leftover from the previous day's showers.

Strange thing number one that happened. Out of the that perfectly, solid blue sky, it started to rain. For a moment I stopped and looked up through the branches of the trees and scanned the sky above. Not a single, solitary rain cloud, but it was definitely raining. The breeze had stopped, and I exhausted pretty much every juvenile theory I could come up with about the rain being blown from somewhere else. It wasn't a heavy rain, but enough that I was glad that I had partial shelter from the trees. I was about half a mile from my house so I decided, despite the cloudless rain, to go ahead and finish the two mile loop that would eventually return to my backyard.

It only rain for about five minutes. It wasn't like an invisible baby rain cloud was moving across the sky. It seemed more like it had only rained in that little spot of the woods for just that moment, leaving me a bit perplexed.

When I put my feet back on the pedals of my bike, lowering my eyes from the sky to the path in front of me, and started off again, I saw strange thing number two: an old, grey bearded Hispanic man walking toward me wearing an old, faded blue jean jacket that looked like it was from the sixties, a pair of worn khaki slacks, and old black, scuffed dress shoes. It was like he appeared out of nowhere. There was no one in front of me when I looked up for just a moment to search the sky for clouds, and all of a sudden, there he was, not but a few feet away from me. He looked like he may have been homeless, maybe even a bit deranged, walking with a slight limp and a spaced out look in his eyes. I don't know why, but I didn't want to offend him by suddenly turning around and zipping off in the opposite direction. Before I knew it, we were passing each other. Even though I glanced over at him, he never once seemed to acknowledge me, looking straight down at the ground with those spaced out eyes.

I let myself get a short ways up the path before I looked back, and that's when I saw strange thing number three. The guy was gone. Completely vanished. No joke. No fiction. No story telling. Just gone. But that wasn't the strangest part. Near where I thought he should have been, I saw a single coyote, trotting off the path into the woods. I actually stopped completely, set my bike on the path, and took a few steps back to get a good look at the coyote and try to see where the man had gone to. But he was gone. And the last I saw of the coyote was his tail disappearing into some shrubs.

At that moment, those chills hit me again. If you read my last post, you know what I'm talking about. Those weird chills you get when something extraordinary seems to have happened, even when you have no explanation for it. Anyways, I just stood there, looking around the woods and down the path as a warm, post-rain mist rose up from the it.

Now, I'm not saying the guy turned into a coyote. I'm not saying that. But what would you think? One moment here's this creepy guy and the next he's gone and there's a coyote you hadn't seen before.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not crazy. At least, I don't think I am.

So, since that little encounter, I've notice a few signs having been posted around our neighborhood over the last month about coyote sightings and even some incidents of animal mutilations, people's cats escaping the house and being found somewhere...well, uh, you know, like something had savagely attacked them. There have been no coyote sightings in the woods for years until now.

I don't think coyotes are savage animals who tend to attack anything larger than they are. I've never heard of any coyotes anywhere near where I live attacking people. So I suppose it's not too much to be concerned about.

I've been on those trails several times since I saw the man. I Haven't seen him since and no one else has mentioned anything about having seen him. But the coyote is out there, somewhere.

My more faithful readers and friends are probably surprised that I found no way to tie this in with the Polar Bear Project. Just give it time, and I'm sure the Beast will turn up somehow in all this...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Weird

So I haven't really gotten sick in the past couple of weeks. Maybe a little hint of a sore throat here, a slight runny nose there, a touch of nausea way over there, but little more. Good for me, right?

However, for over a week or so I've been getting these chills. They're not the kinds of chills you get when you're plummeting into illness, the kind where it seems like, no matter what you do, you can't get your body temperature up to where it should be. They're those full body chills, the kind that seem to radiate in a sudden instant from the center of your chest and out into your arms and legs, gone before you even realize what's happened. They come and go at random, with no apparent provocation.

They're almost like the sort of chills you get when something really amazing happens to you, or when you hear a really awesome piece of music and it just sort of gets to you, and you have that feeling of being completely overwhelmed, spiritually, like something completely transcendent has happened. Kind of like those sorts of chills but, like I said, for no apparent reason whatsoever.

I've been kind of hoping I'd get just sick enough to miss school, but not so sick that they're digging my grave. But this feels like something else. Like maybe something big is about to happen, and some non-physical part of me is transferring awareness of it to me through the chills.

I don't know.

Weird.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Mein Kampf


First, first FIRST...this is Not a Nazi Propaganda post. Got it!? For some random reason I decided to try teaching myself German (I even got some German language audio books from the library), and decided to try and look smart by translating the title of the post (My Struggle) into German. Well, lo and behold, Mein Kampf happens to be the title to a famous book by an infamous individual, and if I say any more then it might actually (accidentally) turn into propaganda...!

ANYWAYS, this is mein kampf, that is, my struggle: technology. I know I'm going to appear completely self-contradictory here, seeing how much technology it takes for me to get this message across the globe in the blink of an eye, but that's just the way it is - but therein lies the struggle. On one hand, I'd love to go completely stone-age, just toss all of our computers, cell phones, blackberries, televisions, radios, insert technological device here, into the mouth of a volcano,(I know, my blog is getting less and less popular with every word I write) and be rid of all them. On the other hand, I'm typing away on my laptop, the music playing from the radio in the background, about to hop into an automobile with the family and head out to eat.

I just hate to see people becoming so detached from one another. I just hate to see people using technology as a way to get out of interacting with people who are right there in front of them. Sure, you can talk to anyone on the planet any time from almost anywhere, we have all sorts of wonderful forms of entertainment in digital devices, we can do and experience things in virtual worlds that people of past times never could have imagined.

And so what? Does it mean we're happier, more content, more fulfilled than people in past, less technologically developed societies? We get on an elevator and try our best not to make eye contact with the other people on there we don't know. We don't make an attempt to get to know the quiet kid next or down the street, but we spend hours online looking for 'virtual' friends (I'm going to lose so much support after this). We sacrifice good, personal relationships with people physically near us, keep them at a distance (I know, some people you SHOULD keep at a distance), so we can send text messages to people nowhere in sight about how bored we are.

This is my struggle. I really can't stand technology, but I know it's essential to our modern lives...