Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Blank

For those of you who have read some of my previous posts and know even a little about me, I consider myself a musician and a composer. My method of composing is very simple: I wait for something to inspire me and I start translate that inspiration into music. I never make it a point to sit down and force any music out; its always very spontaneous, hits me all of a sudden anytime and anywhere and I never know when its going to happen. It can be another song I hear, something someone says, a poem or story I read, an event, or even just a word, and for some reason my brain begins translating it into music. Usually this happens a couple of times a month. I can count on being 'hit' with inspiration often enough that I don't have to go desperately looking for it.

Lately, though, this has NOT been the case. I'm not sure what happened, but about three or four months ago my muse flew the the coop. I didn't realize it at first, but after about a month or so I realized, 'hey, I haven't done any music lately'. I mean, I will still from time to time sit at the piano and mess around, but no solid compositions or ideas have resulted. When I first realized it I wasn't bothered that much; I figured I just had to wait a while and it would come back. That's not working. And when I try to compose or create something its horrible or just ends up being just like something I'd done or heard before. I don't know what happened. I've jut blanked.

I don't know if it has anything to do with what's going on in my life or the fact that I'm just getting older. I've read that schools and education actually hinder creativity in most kids, and that kids get less and less creative they older they get. I do notice my expectation of the world and life getting more and more complicated, and this could be strangling my creative voice. Who knows.

I'm sure this also has to do with why I haven't been blogging as much lately. I'm the type that doesn't like to force things, music or literature. Sometimes I can feel a certain way and have certain thoughts but I just can't find the right words. Is it wrong if a person doesn't want to just force something out that doesn't accurately reflect what he/she is feeling? I know a lot of people can do that, but I just can't see myself doing it.

Anyways, I'm actively seeking inspiration. I'm not going to force music out just because I have to, though. I'm trying to keep my eyes and ears open to anything and everything, and hope that moment comes...


  1. LOL my youth pastor gave me the guitar when I was trying to learn... after a few months and my teacher ditching me for his girlfriend-- I gave up and took up the keyboard. :)


  2. Oh and I'm not really playing it... but that's me in the picture. :)

  3. :) I'm sorry to hear about your music block... as an aspiring writer I know how it feels. It feels like a part of you is missing, I guess cuz I'm an emotional female... somtimes I just cry because I want to write so badly but theres nothing there. I'll pray for you that as you seek you will find. Much love, many blessings, and inspiring music from you in the new year...