"Seriously..."

Just so we don't forget (especially me) this is supposed to be a blog about my dreams. At least, that was my vision when I started out. I just realized that one reason I was slacking off with m entries was because I hadn't been paying very close attention to my dreams lately. I know I've been having them, but I simply wasn't taking the little bit of extra time to write them down or wasn't making the effort to try to remember them. Bad writer. Bad.

So, thanks to Bleah's persistence in getting me to write and the entry I posted on her music blog, and in the spirit of getting back to my original purpose, here is part of last night's dream (the part I can remember).

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I was getting into the back seat of a small car (don't know who's car or what kind of car it was). The was a woman driving who I didn't know. She had long, straight black hair and was wearing a pink shirt. She said something about taking me back home because I was in the wrong place. Her accent sounded like she was from England. There was someone else in the passenger seat of the car, a rather large (overweight) person but I couldn't really tell if it was a man or a woman; that side of the car was kind of blurry, at least as I am remembering it now.

The woman driving car told me to buckle up but when I tried to I found that there were no seat belts in the car. I also noticed that the floor and seats were all covered with scattered papers, like documents of some sort. When I looked closer at one of the documents, I saw that all of the text was in German. I tried to read some of it but the woman driving turned her head a little bit as if to see what I was doing, and I quickly turned my attention back to looking for the seat belts.

We drove around for a little while (the car made a strange whirring noise, as if it had some futuristic power source) and as we did, the neighborhood we were driving through seemed to melt away. The woman said something about "almost there" and I could feel myself falling asleep in the back seat. Just before I fell asleep, I felt my hand, as if it were moving on it's own, reaching for one of the documents laying in the seat next to me. When I touched the document, I felt an odd sensation, as if my fingertips were freezing and on fire at the same time. The woman must have noticed, and the last thing I remember hearing before I woke up was her saying, "Logan...seriously..."

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When I woke up, I found I was laying on my hand (the same one I'd reached for the document with) kind of awkwardly and that it had fallen partially asleep.

Off the Grid

Well, I guess technically I wasn't completely off the grid, but it was still pretty neat. I spent the last two weeks staying with my grandparents on their farm in Ohio. No Internet access, no cable TV, no cell phone service, and, believe it or not, I'm still alive. It was weird for two or three days, not knowing what was going on in the rest of the digital world, but after that I found myself strangely liberated. Aside from the back-breaking labor my grandfather put me through -hoeing gardens, hauling mulch, cleaning gutters, mowing weeds (not all as bad as it sounds) - I found life in the slow, less developed lane rather enjoyable.

The 24 hour drives there and back weren't so fun.

I'm still convinced...

...they are listening.

My name is Logan.

Today...

...I decided to cut back on the texting, like back to NONE if I can do anything about it.

Within the space of about an hour, I had a texting "conversation" with a friend of mine over absolute nonsense, and only realized later that we could have just called each other and the conversation would have lasted about 30 seconds. What's worse is that, while I could have been focusing on other things (I haven't composed anything new for about a month now), I could feel my mind preoccupied with waiting for my friend's text responses, sort of like my mind was tethered to the little digital device sitting at the edge of the table.

I know we like to think we have control, but how much time do we spend in our minds waiting for phone calls, text messages, emails, etc? Even when we're physically doing other things, our minds are always preoccupied with wondering about communication through our little digital devices. Why hasn't he (or she) called? Why are they taking so long returning my text? What did that text mean? Who else is he (or she) texting? Etc. etc.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my fingers frantically running over the little keypad of the phone, my hair kind of messy, the light from the screen shining a bit in my eyes. I don't know. I felt just a bit...

HELP

Okay, things are getting pretty serious here. I have gone, I don't know, four, five, six weeks without blogging and it has not been because I didn't want to. Honestly, the times when I do sit to write, I just completely blank. Nothing really is going on in my life that's worth mentioning and I haven't had a single weird or crazy dream (with our without polar bears) for some time now. I do still have my suspicions about The Polar Bear Project, don't get me wrong about that, but even that little piece of my life has fallen dormant lately. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about having my sanity back, even if just for a little while...

Anyways, I am now reaching out to my fellow bloggers. Donate some ideas to me! Please! It can be anything...I just need something to write about at least to keep my writing skills decent.

By the way, if you have a chance check out Bleah's Blog. She is a very sweet blogger and very good about checking up on her followers...!

What's up with the dog? Really, I just like the picture. He (or she) looks determined to overcome all obstacles, even writer's block.

So how about it? Anyone with any ideas they wouldn't mind tossing me...?

Deja vu

So, lately I've been frequently experiencing what a lot of people call Deja vu, having the feeling like I was doing, thinking, or saying something exactly the same as I had at some earlier part of my life. Sometimes its a feeling like I'm somewhere I've been before seeing or hearing something I'd heard or seen before.

No, its not like sitting in class at school one day after another and thinking, "hmm, this seems familiar." For example, the last time it happened was this morning. I was getting out of bed and I heard a plane fly over the house. At the same time, I saw a sparrow land on a branch outside my window and suddenly got the feeling the sparrow was telling me something, something about how I should wait a while before I go downstairs for breakfast. At that moment, a weird chill went through me and I got sort of light-headed, like I was re-living the exact same morning the exact same way it had happened at some other point in my life. It was sort of like a feeling where you know you're aware of something, something bigger than yourself and that transcends time and space, but you can't understand it intellectually. Anyways, the feeling came and went very quickly, and no matter how hard I tried to hold on to it the familiarity of it all faded.

It's hard to describe the feeling of Deja vu to someone who has never experienced it before. It's a little scary but at the same time an awesome feeling in that you're aware of something grand even if for only a moment. Imagine yourself standing in two places of time at once, and only being aware of it through a sixth sense.

I've experienced the feeling before but, like I said, its been happening a lot more frequently lately. I know the feeling of Deja vu is sometimes explained by dreamed experiences, and sometimes we really do experience events or do or say things just like we did in the past, and we just don't remember. But that weird feeling you get...

Can anyone out there relate? When was the last time you experienced Deja vu and were you able to figure it out?

A Moment

Went to the movies tonight. Found a seat, empty-handed (didn't have $30 to spend on popcorn or a soda). We were about twenty minutes early so I sat and did my best to look around at other people while trying not to look nosy. Just a little concerning, what I saw...

So I saw a row of about 6 people in the seats in front of me with the bright screen from their cell phones lighting up their faces. The lady almost directly in front of me was sending a text message that said, "in the movie now, will text u later" (yeah, like you wouldn't try to see what kinds of texts other people are sending). Anyways, a girl next to me also had her little device out, scrolling through some musical selections that ran from the device into her ears. Behind me, I kept hearing the buzz/blip combination of sounds as someone was sending and receiving text messages. The pre-show on the screen occasionally went through a silent commercial about sending a text to the (x) theater and getting discounts on candy and popcorn.

There was one moment, an eerie moment that I'll never forget. For just a moment or so, the theater was almost completely silent; no one talked to each other, with only the sound of shuffling and an occasional blip, buzz, or bleep of a cell phone action. It was strange, almost like there was no one really there in the theater, and we were all just a bunch of computers executing programs through our devices.

I closed my eyes and imagined the beast on the big screen, his large, cavernous eyes looking down on us, his mouth slightly turned at one corner into a satisfied grin...

A text message from my friend Nico brought me back to reality.

Impossible

Maybe we're at our best when people tell us we can't do things. I think the truly dedicated thrive in worlds of impossibilities. I have recently witnessed the impossible, and know now that Will and belief in one's own abilities are enough to completely erase that awful word. How many times have we been faced with an obstacle, told ourselves it was impossible to overcome, and therefore were defeated before the challenge even began? I'm sorry to say I was a victim of my own self limitations for too long.

But now, anything and everything is possible. When the creative mind is free and boundless, there is nothing we cannot do, nothing we cannot become.

My name is Logan...